I've been wondering lately what all those wonderfully intriguing thoughts are that I thought would be so great to share. I've been trying to think of something to write about here and have come up totally blank for the last week since I decided that I had stuff to share. No that's a lie, I've actually thought of stuff but I've either forgotten it two minutes after I had the thought or I've decided that tis not really worth sharing.
Let me show you what I mean. I originally started to write this post about how I'm getting old, or at least how I feel like I'm getting old. I was going to wax lyrical about how you tell that you are getting old, is it when your hair in the places that don't show starts to go grey too? Or is it when someone only about 5 years younger than you tells you they have gotten tickets to something called .. (hmmm I have no idea what the name was that she said but I'll talk bout that later) .. and you ask 'who's that?' just to be told 'it's a Music Festival ya old fart'. So I Googled it when I got home to see what music festival it was and how I was losing touch so easily .. couldn't find it. It doesn't exist. Or if it does exist it's not really that well known if Google doesn't even know it and I cant find it in my event finder or Ticketec .. so screw you 'youngster' I'm not old, I just don't have the time to keep up to date with all the unimportant events happening in this hick town! ( Damn it I just know I shouldn't type this cause somewhere along the line I'm going to find out it was some huge festival that is held every year and attracts millions of people).
And then we come to the other thing that is making me feel old before my time. I'm deaf as a doornail. It's nothing new I've been going deaf since I was born, tis a degenerative nerve thingy that there's nothing can be done about and I've lived with it for forty years without an issue. It's just that the people I'm working with at the moment all seem to have soft, high pitched voices and they all talk at about a million miles an hour. So they are treating me like a geriatric who can't hear and I'm getting fed up with being treated like that and acting like a grumpy geriatric who can't hear and just not communicating with them at all.
There are other things that are making me feel oldish ... the nurses back that means I grunt when I bend down, the lack of interest in the music of today (in my own defence a lot of it is trash but then there's always been a lot of trashy music out there and I've always ignored it and gone my own way). But as much as I feel these things are making me feel my age plus some, I can't help feeling that I'm projecting this on myself because of some completely different reasons to the ones I've mentioned here.
One of them being a weirdness in my moods since giving up smoking, the drugs I took to help me with that were basically an anti depressant, and that was OK while I was taking them, but once they stopped my mood just plummeted. I have a funny feeling a lot of these feelings are related to that let down side effect of stopping those drugs.
One of the good things about it all though is that I'm actually starting to feel healthier now. I've been walking the dog by the river every weekend for the last couple of weeks and I've been a lot more active around the house and the yard recently too. Of course one of the other effects of giving up smoking is a double edged sword, your sense of taste becomes so much better. I love food, always have and I love good food, now that I can taste things better it all tastes great!! And wow has my waist shown the effects of that, so now I have to diet :(
Can you see now what I meant about being unsure about whether to write about this stuff or not? I've managed to dribble out quite a few paragraphs about stuff that I'm pretty sure no one is going to be interested in. I'm not even sure that it's written well enough for anyone to understand let alone make it through it all to this last paragraph. Oh well I guess everyone has to start somewhere, it's funny I was always thinking that I should write about my random thoughts and now I don't seem to be able to think of any. It'll come one day ... maybe.